I lived…by joining Tinder

For my inaugural installment of “I Lived” I decided to step out of my comfort zone mildly.  I had to start somewhere.

I let my disinterest of online dating be well known. We are in an era dependent upon technology. We chat via texting; we gossip over social media; we make friends through video games. It only makes sense that we also find dates in a way that dissolves face-to-face interaction.

You’re right. The use of technology is not the sole reason I abhor online dating. I don’t know how to approach the subject in real life, why would the Internet or an app be any different? If anything, I’m more open when I use my fingers to talk rather than my mouth.

I can’t stomach online dating because it puts too much emphasis on appearance and not enough on the story behind the photograph.  A photograph acts as the first impression; it leaves you wanting to learn more or move on. One could argue that the same amount of judgment is passed upon walking into bar and seeking out the perfect person to buy a drink. While this is true, not everyone goes to bars to find an attraction. Some are there to drink, be social, or play trivia.  But on a dating site, everyone merges into one pot for the very same reason.

Despite my never ending disdain, I decided to join Tinder, the app known for its obsession over physical attraction. Forget even reading what people write. Swipe right if they’re hot or left if they’re not. If you’ve been following along with my story, you clearly understand that I am not the most comfortable with my appearance, at least not for dating. I decided to join anyways just to witness this platform.

I created my profile, added my pictures, and began swiping. I won’t pretend to be holier than thou. I can be just as judgmental as the next guy (ahem…girl), but I also read what guys wrote. I saw a couple people I knew (awkward) and I had a couple matches (whenever you and the other person swipe right, it’s a match), but most of my matches didn’t last. They either decided they should have swiped left or they deleted their accounts. I expected that. I believe in putting your best photo out there, but also a few that show who you really are. Mine would be of that which defines me: my hearing aid and little ears. It was easier for me to show people than for me to feel pressured to write about it in my bio. Either way though I felt obligated. Were those photos the deciding factor that I wasn’t “swipe right” worthy? Who knows- and quite frankly, who cares?  It’s me, for better or worse.

I did talk for a week or so to one guy but when he asked if I wanted to meet, I froze. I waited an absurd amount of time, fought the urge to hover over the porcelain God until I came to my senses, and did the should-I-or-shouldn’t-I dance until I was finally ready to give him an answer. And just like that I had fallen into his “swipe left” bucket. Am I devastated? Nah. I didn’t actually know if I wanted to meet him. I’m a very distrusting creature and the whole “meeting someone from the Internet” scenario freaks me out.  Plus, I’m not all that eager to change my solidarity. I’m comfortable flying solo and change can be a frightening leap.

I expect to be on my own until I find someone actually worthy of this whole song and dance. And when I find that someone, if I find that someone, you can bet it will be in person and not through an app that devalues my existence.   Despite many people finding relationships through Tinder, I get the impression it is still more of a means of hooking up rather than finding a lasting relationship.  Some people go as far as to state that in their one sentence bio too.  If I have to question whether or not the person on my screen is looking for a (very) short term deal, I probably should seek dating guidance somewhere else. We all know I’m not really the one-night-stand kind of girl.

Bye Tinder. We clearly weren’t meant for each other.  I’ll stick with the old fashion method…

check yes or no

8 Comments
  • Ana De- Jesus
    August 18, 2015

    First I have to say that I love your blog name and secondly how dare they be so rude on Tinder, attraction is not just based on looks and they should look beyond their superficiality to realize that!http://www.fadedspring.co.uk

    • Kristin Lia
      August 19, 2015

      Thanks! I’m kind of partial to my blog name too. =) I get superficiality. It’s EVERYWHERE, not just Tinder. But what I love about real life is you actually get to know someone. There’s a possibility that you’ll see a person actions before passing any judgment on their appearance. Online dating definitely isn’t for me, but for a lot of people I know, it has been amazing!

  • Aubrey
    August 18, 2015

    I haven’t jumped on the tinder bandwagon yet, but I’m running out of excuses not to. I’m not thrilled with the idea, but it’s what everyone does around here.

    • Kristin Lia
      August 19, 2015

      I’ll admit it is kind of entertaining for a little while, but it’s hard to tell when people are on Tinder just to hook up or when they want something else. I’m game for making new guy friends (Lord knows I need a few more to watch sports with!) but I don’t want to give anyone the wrong impression. Good luck if you do it! You’ll have to let me know how it goes!

  • Cynthia @craftoflaughter
    August 18, 2015

    I’m sorry this experience didn’t work out for you. Keep an open mind and an open heart and I’ll hope you find what you are looking for

    • Kristin Lia
      August 19, 2015

      Thanks! I’m actually quite happy with my life as it is so I’ll go back to not actively looking. If someone great comes into it naturally, I’ll accept it, but I definitely don’t feel the need to seek it out anymore.

  • Cindy
    August 19, 2015

    Putting yourself out there takes a lot of courage. Many sites are popping up everywhere for dating. What happened to bumping into people and making connections that way? I know this opens up a lot of opportunities people otherwise miss, but it also opens the individual to a whole new world, which may be or may not be good for them.

    • Kristin Lia
      August 19, 2015

      I know! I’d much rather bump into someone at a coffee shop or something. My college roommate met her husband on eHarmony or Match, and what she told me was this: you meet a lot more weirdos online dating but it’s all relative to the amount of new people that are at your disposal. I absolutely get it, but I’m not open to that whole new world!

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